Friday, February 6, 2009

Ideology...

I just want to go ahead and give you a warning...the beginning of this post may (or may not) offend you if you are a believer in Islam. OK...you know when the people in the Middle East strap bombs to their chest and have a friend remote detonate them so they can become a martyr and get their 77 virgins? I have been thinking about this...do the female suicide bombers also get 77 virgins? I wouldn't want a bunch or virgins fumbling around with my heavenly form...I would want a bunch of men who knew what to do...how to make my body throb, how to make.....well I will leave that up to your imagination...and I really wouldn't want 77, just a couple heck maybe just one. Anyway, people's version of heaven is different, right? I think I am pretty darn close to Heaven on earth right now...3 lovely kids, a wonderful husband and a sewing studio full of the most wonderful fabric! But man! I have barely even had a chance this week to go into my sewing studio! What the heck was I thinking when I decided to home school Emma? My entire day is just evaporated with history, math, reading, spelling, handwriting, more reading....ahhhhhhh! All I have managed to do is make a big fat mess of my sewing room. I set Emma up with some math to do...I figure I will have some time to work on a bag....nope. I don't. So I set it aside and tidy up the house a bit, that really is all I have time for. It is really making me nuts. I always knew I did a ton of sewing while the kiddos were at school, but now I am feeling the lack of creativity and it actually hurts.



This Home school stuff hurts. Not in the fact that is is hard to do, because it is not. It is not hard to sit down and teach my daughter. She loves it and absorbs it like my teaching is the word of the Lord. Which will lead me to my next thought...so remind me to get back to it. What is hard about home school, for me, is loosing yet another identity. I used to be and Army nurse. I was a professional and I contributed to society...then I had a bunch of babies and decided to stay home and raise them since my husband was in the position to take care of us in descent form. I was still contributing to society by doing my best to raise a responsible, considerate, and intelligent set of kiddos. I missed my professional status, but contorted myself and I became the MOM person. I drove the kids around town we went to school and I led the parade through the grocery stores...but I still had an outlet. I could slip into my sewing studio and create. My vanity was stroked by you wonderful ladies who liked the bags I made. I was so happy. Now since I don't sew at all (...barely at all) I do not have that outlet. I am quite frustrated because I am a person who needs to have SOMETHING to be working on. I am having growing pains and they hurt. My temptation is right in the next room calling to me like the temptress it is...my fabric whispering about the things I could make, it would just take a second to start....the sewing machine is already loaded up...




Part of me really wants to put her back in school...it has only been a week after all. But it has only been a week. And Emma loves sitting down with me at the table....the bags can wait another day, I am sure I will get a good bunch finished this weekend...Gosh I am torn. When I lived on Wainwright Drive on Ft Hood I had a wonderful neighbor who home schooled her 3 little girls. She had her masters from Harvard and had been a Major in the Air Force, so she was a very sharp lady. Smartest mom of the street. Ever since Emma's hearing impairment surfaced I have been tossing around home school in my mind. Louise said to me "Tia, no one knows your child or wants more for them than you. You will be her best teacher." and I know I will, but I am having a hard time letting go of my sewing identity. Silly I know...but true.



Which leads me back to my other point....Teachers have a really impressive position in society. They can really influence what a child learns and how a child interprets that knowledge. I have a great deal of Science in my educational background so I love finding out the WHY? of things, but the material I selected to teach from is SONLIGHT. It is Christian based, which I have no problem with since I am Christian, but some of the answers really annoy me, so that will also take some getting used to. OK OK I am finished whining....forgive me I had to get it off my chest. My mate is in the US freezing his tail feathers off so I don't have him to discuss this with.


So onto another subject...here is a big fat stack of fabric. I think that is 4 separate orders. But they all arrived today. Some were held up at customs I think one was mis-sent to Antarctica...but anyway they are here now. Aren't they pretty?

Here is a shot of the sky...it is 115F and about 25% humidity. The air is so think and hot it is like sucking in hot water. This is nothing to the weather in Darwin or Melbourne right now, but I think it is hot...hotter than my parents and husband are at the moment anyway.

Now last but not least... I couldn't take it another moment! The boys were tucked in bed and at least sorta quite, Emma just HAD to finish one more math worksheet so I figured I had about 30 minutes before I totally crashed (I am pretty out of shape with this single parenting business....I can't even tell you how I dread the next deployment. By 2000 this house is locked down tight as Ft Knox minus the guard towers...and prisoners and I am sound asleep.) I was looking through the pictures of Fresh and Modern quilts on Flickr and was totally blown away by THIS little quilt. I knew I could piece it really quick using up some scraps and some stash (I have lots of stash that is feeling very lonely these days) so I quickly stitched it up and stacked it and even got a couple hand quilting stitches in before passing out in my bed. I love the Improvisational manner of this quilt and the turquoise and red look awesome together to my eyes. I think at this point it is going to become a pillow...maybe a wall hanging. But I am going to stitch on it while Emma reads to me.
I was woken at about 0130 my my middle man crawling up in bed with me and wanting to discuss the cat. I have no idea what I agreed to, but then the youngest got in bed with us at about 0500. He is terrible to snuggle with because he does this roll of death thing (like crocodiles) with the quilts and steals them all. Very annoying. So I got up. And it all began again....Stu please come home soon! Erica and Wendy have been babysitting me very well and call to check on me almost everyday.....Gosh I have some great friends here. Can you guys just move with me?
OK, Dinner is ready and if you don't take Martha Stewart LIVING for some reason the February issue is fantastic. I got it yesterday and it is full of really nice meals and ideas.
XO,
Tia


7 comments:

Anderson Zoo Keepers said...

Interesting post, and some of this we ought to maybe discuss via email. However...
I homeschooled my oldest for two weeks while the school was trying to figure out what to do with him. Long story.
But being Christian and all I order some science materials thinking it would be fun to talk dinosaurs and whatnot. I found out in a fat hurry that while I'm Christian, I'm not a "Creationist." And there is a difference. I don't have any problem with the idea that God is the greatest scientist ever and used every tool out there to create the heavens and the earth. I don't need to say that he made the earth in exact 24 hour periods and I don't need to have Adam and Eve riding on the backs of dinos. So, long story short there are two types of Christians in science. Be very careful which type of homeschooling material you are using - it all depends on what you espouse. If you have questions, email me. In my 2 weeks, I went through quite a few different things.

Stephanie said...

You can do it Tia!! You've already taught me a few things about sewing from all the way over there. I know exactly how you feel about missing your creative outlet, I was a scrapbooker before you went and got me addicted to fabric!! LOL! I'm loving my purses and I'm thinking of trying my hand at those next. The Stu came in very handy 2 weeks ago when I sliced my hand up with a kitchen glass and had to drag all 3 girls to the ER with me! Food, books, games, everything fits in there. Take care and have a wonderful week.

Stephanie

Kristin L said...

Wow, that's a lot to digest! I'll pass on trying to wrap my head around why someone would want to blow other people up (I've also heard that according to some translations it not 77 virgins, but something else quite mundane). Anyways, you have my respect home schooling Emma. I have such a difficult time supervising homework with my kids (particularly my son) that I know home schooling is not an option for us even if one on one instruction would benefit him. As for your lesson plans, isn't one of the ideas of home schooling to be able to tailor the lessons to your particular needs? My impression is that a lot of people home school their kids because they want more religion incorporated into the learning than is typically included in a public school -- so, couldn't you go the other way and offer up more scientific options that fit your family's beliefs? You are speaking to sooooo many moms who wonder if it's enough just to be a mom and not to be an individual anymore! We all hear your frustration girl! We are all here with you :-) For what it's worth, I'd suggest continuing to home school for at least a complete semester/quarter and then look at the situation. The single parent thing is temporary and maybe when Stu returns you'll find more you time that will balance out the Emma time. Hang in there!!

maggie fellow said...

I'm just a an older mom you don't even know. You have a lot lot on your plate right now, I feel for you. All my wisdom summed up would be to relax and breathe. I lived by some imaginary rule system about how a good mother was supposed to do things and be. It was nonsense, and stress. Let them sleep in their clothes. Eat Mc Donalds junk,eat candy till they puke, fail in school if you have to - just try not to do it all at the same time. It will be ok.
--maggie
www.stampingwithmaggie.com

Erica said...

We will talk Emma school tomorrow.

You made me teary, don't want you to leave. how 'bout you just stay?

Happiness is Here! said...

WOW, what a mixed blog! And your first thought about why anyone would blow themselves up makes me wonder daily! The thought that somewhere there are people who use there hands to create something that is killing people scares me. Especially with a husband in the same field as Stu! Your daughter is so blessed to have a Mother who is putting her needs first. One day, when the time is right you will pick up right where you left off. And Emma will always remember how much you taught her and cared! You are amazing!! What a great example of a wonderful wife and mother but most of all Christian!!

Alex said...

I was reading some of your posts on your blog, just being curious to who I am sending the bushfire quilt blocks that my daughter and I made (they are going in the mail tonight by the way, no idea how long it will take from here Canada)...anyway...just wanted to say "take a deep breath" and try to focus on why you chose to homeschool your daughter. I homeschooled for 3 years, my kids are trying out the school this year, new town for us and curiosity won over...my oldest dd will very likely come back to hs. It is hard to try to fit everything in, while I homeschooled I rarely had a moment for myself, but now I see how important that is. I didn't feel like I was missing out, but once they were all off to school, that is when it was difficult for me, all of sudden, I had no idea who I was! If it is possible, try to keep sewing, even if it is just a little tiny bit at a time. This comment is so long, sorry...you are welcome to e-mail me if you'd like.

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